I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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