I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
