Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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