Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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