Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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