I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
