Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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