i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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