Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Enjoy the penises
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
