you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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