its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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