Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
