What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
