i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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