i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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