She said her name was "party"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
