Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
