my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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