M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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