Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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