So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
