I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
