we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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