just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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