He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
