There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
