I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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