I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize