Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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