u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
