you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize