Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize