can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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