I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
