You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
