my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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