so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
