How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
