Do you still have your period?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
