i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
