I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize