Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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