oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
