i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you win again, gameday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
