ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
