Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize