my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
