Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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