I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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