I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
