I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
