My liver just broke up with me...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
