omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
