Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
