we have pet lesbian snakes
he thought i was a dude.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
