sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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