Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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