Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
