Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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