i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
