On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
