Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
