tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
