Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
