I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
