My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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