I think im going to throw up on grandma
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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