I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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