Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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