i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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