I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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